Gerd Muller

"Around this time I decided to rebrand my previous year’s Sunday Times Rugby Union Diary. The cover was scribbled over and on top of it was scratched PUNK DIARY. The first half of it is filled in in a very terse, matter-of-fact unselfconscious way, which means it’s a goldmine of information. From September onwards I filled in most of the blank spaces with a ‘punk’ voice, as if I was retrospectively covering my tracks, trying to eradicate the me that had existed before."

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that Allan 'Sniffer' Clarke was the only Leeds United forward of the 1970s to look like a member of The Fall. Or, more specifically, Mark E. Smith. (Scottish winger Arthur Graham did look a bit like Brix Smith. And, of course, Paul Madeley and Marc Riley look like twins)

"I got Instant Replay from Father Christmas when I was six years old. I had written a letter to him then immediately put it into the fire, as you did in those days, so it could speed to Greenland, and they could get to work at Father Christmas’s workshop specially pressing my LP."